I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
