420 ftw
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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