I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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