hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think I just sharted jello shots
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
