I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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