it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
