evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
