3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
now i know why i became what i already was.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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