and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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