i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
