Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
