Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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