Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
