I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
