so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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