this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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