There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
