no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize