well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
