You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
