the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize