So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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