we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
