So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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