btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
