4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
