ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
