apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
