Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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