he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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