Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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