Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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