So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
