Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
