I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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