Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
