I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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