I'm so fucking centered right now
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
