it was like his penis was on wheels.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
please come you make the beer taste better
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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