So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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