If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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