Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
