if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
