that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
