u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
