and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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