I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
