Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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