as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
