i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
