you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
