The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
