Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
