found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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