well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
