My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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