He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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