Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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