your room smells of hookers.
And success
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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