you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
