I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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