So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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