this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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