Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize