As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
