I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
