It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She bit a glass in half.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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