When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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