She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize