Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The air was thick with penises
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
