I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
