She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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