yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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