Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
