did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize